Altruistic Expressions of a Madman and His Voices

Yeah, that'd be the old title of my blog. I dunno why I picked that title for a post over other random titles or words. The following post is from my heart. I am being honest with you all and with myself. I am not trying to be humorous for postings sake. These are true situations and true feelings.

Like I should have gone for the title "Folding chair" or "Yellow and black rope" But I decided the AEoaMaHV is better. I am a facade; I "ain't" what I want to be. I want to be a confident young man, but that confidence always slips when it comes to matters of importance. I feel the need to address this situation because many people think that it's just young women who deal with self-esteem issues and it's not true. I feel as though people are judging and assessing my appearance almost daily basis. I will be frank. Since June 21, I have lost around 100 lbs. And I feel like it's not enough. I was wearing clothing sizes I hadn't worn since my junior year of high school and feeling fine. Then I had a piece of rip on me. It's not that big of a deal, but in my mind it is. I mean 100 lbs in 4 months is great. I know my docs would be angry at me because they said that 50 lbs a year is pushing health risks. So I push myself harder and eat less and less carbs; all in hopes to kick start my metabolism in a higher gear. Danger creeps in now because I take more units of insulin because I want to feel normal. This morning my blood-sugar was 55. About 15-20 points lower than a normal person. I want to look/feel/act normal but to do so I am putting myself at risk. And why? Because I don't want to feel like the diabetic freak. I want to be normal because people at my age with diabetes are perceived as relatively unhealthy and oddities. So I guess it isn't just teenage/young women with self-image/esteem issues. It can be 24-year old single men.