Altruistic Expressions of a Madman and His Voices

Yeah, that'd be the old title of my blog. I dunno why I picked that title for a post over other random titles or words. The following post is from my heart. I am being honest with you all and with myself. I am not trying to be humorous for postings sake. These are true situations and true feelings.

Like I should have gone for the title "Folding chair" or "Yellow and black rope" But I decided the AEoaMaHV is better. I am a facade; I "ain't" what I want to be. I want to be a confident young man, but that confidence always slips when it comes to matters of importance. I feel the need to address this situation because many people think that it's just young women who deal with self-esteem issues and it's not true. I feel as though people are judging and assessing my appearance almost daily basis. I will be frank. Since June 21, I have lost around 100 lbs. And I feel like it's not enough. I was wearing clothing sizes I hadn't worn since my junior year of high school and feeling fine. Then I had a piece of rip on me. It's not that big of a deal, but in my mind it is. I mean 100 lbs in 4 months is great. I know my docs would be angry at me because they said that 50 lbs a year is pushing health risks. So I push myself harder and eat less and less carbs; all in hopes to kick start my metabolism in a higher gear. Danger creeps in now because I take more units of insulin because I want to feel normal. This morning my blood-sugar was 55. About 15-20 points lower than a normal person. I want to look/feel/act normal but to do so I am putting myself at risk. And why? Because I don't want to feel like the diabetic freak. I want to be normal because people at my age with diabetes are perceived as relatively unhealthy and oddities. So I guess it isn't just teenage/young women with self-image/esteem issues. It can be 24-year old single men.

Where have all the flowers gone?

Ok, I know this is going to sound cliche' but seriously, where did they go? I could have sworn summer JUST started. I digress. But I don't have a whole lot to say about anything. I guess I could give a progress report on the diet and stuff, but that stuff is fairly evident to those who know and see me. But for those who never or rarely do; ask a colleague who does. I don't really have a lot to report on. I feel good nowadays with exception to the occasional sock to the stomach and stuff. I dunno maybe I have more to say in person. So, leave me a message. I guess blogs are dieing. And along with them are my pool of ideas. So, I guess I will close with this: go Sox and Rox. Oh, and congrats to Moms and her husband on their big sale. And to you know who on the you know what.

Drab

Well it's new post day. Yeah baby! I really don't have a lot to say. I mean I should considering I often think a lot when I'm walking but I rarely remember the deep thoughts/postulates/solutions to world crises that come to me. I guess they are so profound that my mind chooses to keep them hidden. But yeah, I sit here in the college cafeteria contemplating courses of action. That is to say: I am bored out of my mind. I have class in one hour but I sit here alone writing to you, sipping a Diet Dew listening to the latest Kranny mix. Sorry people, it's stuck on my phone. mwahahaha . . . I'm evil. Ok, maybe not. But I am arrogant. I sit here as a beautiful observer. I don't mean I am observing the beautiful women walking by. Instead, I am the beautiful person. I am watching other people walk by and occasionally distracted by someone I know or a fairly attractive woman. But then I remember, I am better than these people because I drink tea, coffee, diet soda, and I pay attention to the world of politics, news, and sports. I also enjoy the music of Beethoven, Mozart, oldies, and other classics. Boy, I tell you it's a good thing I pray for God to help make me a humble person nightly.